Wow. Here I am trying to come up with an awesome post about marriage and I just keep hitting walls. This isn’t because I can’t think of ideas. It is because I have just realized that lately I have been a pretty lousy wife. God has blessed me with the most amazing husband (you can read our story here) and I just keep taking him for granted. Life gets in the way of the really important things sometimes. This post is a confession and a reminder for all wives…your job, your home, and your kids are all undoubtedly important, but your husband is a part of you. He is the life partner that God stitched to your soul. Are you guilty, as I am, of these three things wives forget?
3 Things Wives Forget
1. We forget to be kind to him.
Proverbs 31:26- She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Hmmm…wisdom and kindness…how often do I allow those things to roll off of my tongue when I speak to my husband in a confrontational moment? Not often enough. My tongue has a tendency to be sharp and bitter when I am annoyed or upset. I say things that I shouldn’t in order to “make him think” when I haven’t taken the time to think for myself.
If I would take 5 minutes to assess the situation (which is never bad, usually just something not going my way) then I would see that my husband offers grace and kindness to me daily and I am called to do the same for him. I would see that I am truly blessed and have nothing to complain about. I feel that it is very important to express our feelings to one another, but those feelings should be expressed with love, grace, and kindness instead of hostility, bitterness, and a hardened spirit.
2. We forget to connect with him emotionally and physically.
1 Corinthians 11:9 – Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
My day has been long & stressful… I have bananas (thanks to my beautiful toddler) smeared all over my yoga pants, and some type of food is stuck in my hair. Before I can tidy myself up, my hard-working husband walks through the door. He pulls me in for a “hello, darlin’ ” kiss and I shut him out. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel like a darlin’. What I do feel like is a mess who is still in a rush to start the supper that she should have put in the crock pot 6 hours ago.
My husband doesn’t see that mess though. He sees the woman he loves taking care of his children & home. He kind of likes the yoga pants and messy top knot bun. I have to learn to embrace the mess that I am so that I can drop the wall that I put up between us each afternoon.
Adam was lonely. He needed someone for his heart to connect with…so God made Eve. I am my husband’s Eve. I was created for him. To love him as a faithful companion…as a help mate…as one. You are your husband’s Eve. Extend a warm hug & kiss to welcome him home in the afternoon. Spend time with him without distraction. Figure out his love language and learn to speak it! Just don’t give him an apple;)
3. We forget to lift him up.
Proverbs 12:4 – An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
We are women and for some reason women love to gossip. We get together in groups and talk about all of the things that our husbands did to annoy us this week. Usually this gossip is just an innocent attempt to vent to other women who get it, but it unintentionally tears down the name of our husbands. Seeking encouragement and advice from other women is great, but saying or doing things that bring shame to him is not okay…ever.
Lift him up to others, be his crown.
Loving our husbands with grace, kindness, and humility is not always an easy task…especially when you are a stubborn & strong-willed woman. My prayer is that God will soften my (and your) heart and help me to stop forgetting the needs & desires of the husband that he has given to me.